Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it glows. i had to have it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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