i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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