Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
