evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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