A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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