Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
