She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
