And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
