Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
