I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
