If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
