I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
