I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
