He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
