i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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