I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
