I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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