every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
