i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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