She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
