me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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