i just had sex bonerless
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
