Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
