hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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