She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
