so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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