u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
