i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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