I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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