:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
