i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
