If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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