You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
