On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
