What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
