I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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