winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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