Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
