Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
