Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
