I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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