i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
