well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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