your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
