i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
