don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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