So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
