You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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