she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
