At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
